College Dorms :: essays research papers

College Dorms MessageThe inventor of dormitories...lets find him, make him pay for the travesties hes visited on Americas youth, and force him to listen to Matchbox 20. Cant you see him designing these hellish stacks of humanness many years ago? From the sidewalk he raised his reach triumphantly and said, "It sh entirely be like the projects with less violence and more cannabis" He then took lumber and Elmers Paste, as it is often called, to create these ducky carrier sized rooms that we live in. You wanna know why hoi polloi from the projects hardly ever go to college? Its because they dont want to leave their lush surroundings.The unfeigned term dormitory is of course derived from the Latin term for sleep, which is appropriate because that is all you father put to do. You have to do it standing up in the bathroom sink but it can be d star. The luckier students have space to scratch their assses but the windows have to be open and their roommates have to be gone for the weekend. When you go home the closets even feel like a gymnasium, and you can romp around in the bathroom like a horny antelope. I cant imagine the kids who brought everything they own to the dorm. I brought like a condom and a sock. Next semester I hope to have a towel and the other sock. I also need a natural condom. Forget having space to sleep. Who sleeps anyway? Nobody on my campus. I envisage its a rule. This one kid tried but no one knows what happened to him. Lets just say his floor mates never saw him on the alert again. I feel like Im a member of the national insomnia coalition. 0ur schedule involves a lot of Frappaccino and staring at the test pattern on TV. Its like this strange pseudo-vampire lifestyle. Did you know that if you stay up late sufficiency they playthe Tonight Show over again and it still isnt umbrageous? No sleep really fucks with your eating habits too. Every night at 2 in the morning you get as hungry as a Bosnian and you have to go to the vend ing machine to hold back the one bagel spin in the carousel of salmonella. People have White Zombie playing until 5 AM, which to me really encompasses my mood at 5 AM. I could be listening to Kenny G and it would seem hard-core at 5 in the morning.